I usually am a very OCD clean freak, but as I go through random bouts of depression I lack on the cleaning and my house becomes chaotic and then the stress and anxiety build up as I feel like i'm getting buried in things to do and get very overwhelmed and fall further and further into a bad depressed state.
but thennnnn because I have this lovely thing called bipolar disorder, it can all change, as I go from one extreme on to the next- I feel better finally and go on these extreme cleaning binges. which happend for a good 6 hours today. (thank you manic state of mind....?) yea I'm going to go ahead and enjoy this state of mind for now because at least im not sad and down and out. I cried last night, about stupidness, that I deal with all the time and never cry about. Whichhhhh means, I was like bottoming out (if thats a word..) so I wasnt too concerned about crying because I knew that today would be better. Which it always is the day after the worst-day-of-your-life (I have alot of those) and when you wake up from a very long month of feeling like blahhhh and not wanting to get out of bed or move or live. Not that I wanted to die. I jsut didnt want to do any of the daily tasks that go along with living. I wanted to just 'be' and I couldnt. I have two kids. So no matter how crappy I feel and no matter how bad I dont want to get out of bed or function, I have to. So yea, I've been letting my dishes sloowwllyy pile up in my sink, doing only a few at a time every now and again, never finishing them, but tonight I took 2 and a half hours and finished ALL of them, and dried and put them ALL away. I am very proud of this, it has been one of the main things causing all of my anxiety. And also, since tomorow is the 1st of Februaury, I decided it was probably about time to undecorate my house from christmas. Yea, its been that bad here in my mind, I couldnt even bring myself to do that. But its done, and I feel alot better because of it. Sam has to take the tree out tomorrow and then I will have a whole lot of vaccumming to do. And then I will be moving either my computer , or my sewing and craft stuff, to the room where the tree is. Which I'm not really sure why i'm going to bother with all that, seens we are moving soon. Our lease is up....either March 11th (thats 1 year from when we moved in) or March 31st. I dont know how that works, should probably figure that one out huh? And what else we need to figure out is where the heck we are moving to! Dont even get me started on that subject! okay, I've rambled on and on enough. I'm watching tv untill my lovely little Ellie Bellie decides shes going to get back up to hang with mommy.
but thennnnn because I have this lovely thing called bipolar disorder, it can all change, as I go from one extreme on to the next- I feel better finally and go on these extreme cleaning binges. which happend for a good 6 hours today. (thank you manic state of mind....?) yea I'm going to go ahead and enjoy this state of mind for now because at least im not sad and down and out. I cried last night, about stupidness, that I deal with all the time and never cry about. Whichhhhh means, I was like bottoming out (if thats a word..) so I wasnt too concerned about crying because I knew that today would be better. Which it always is the day after the worst-day-of-your-life (I have alot of those) and when you wake up from a very long month of feeling like blahhhh and not wanting to get out of bed or move or live. Not that I wanted to die. I jsut didnt want to do any of the daily tasks that go along with living. I wanted to just 'be' and I couldnt. I have two kids. So no matter how crappy I feel and no matter how bad I dont want to get out of bed or function, I have to. So yea, I've been letting my dishes sloowwllyy pile up in my sink, doing only a few at a time every now and again, never finishing them, but tonight I took 2 and a half hours and finished ALL of them, and dried and put them ALL away. I am very proud of this, it has been one of the main things causing all of my anxiety. And also, since tomorow is the 1st of Februaury, I decided it was probably about time to undecorate my house from christmas. Yea, its been that bad here in my mind, I couldnt even bring myself to do that. But its done, and I feel alot better because of it. Sam has to take the tree out tomorrow and then I will have a whole lot of vaccumming to do. And then I will be moving either my computer , or my sewing and craft stuff, to the room where the tree is. Which I'm not really sure why i'm going to bother with all that, seens we are moving soon. Our lease is up....either March 11th (thats 1 year from when we moved in) or March 31st. I dont know how that works, should probably figure that one out huh? And what else we need to figure out is where the heck we are moving to! Dont even get me started on that subject! okay, I've rambled on and on enough. I'm watching tv untill my lovely little Ellie Bellie decides shes going to get back up to hang with mommy.
with love,
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